Semiotic Love
by Damned Lolita
Summary: Unrequited love sucks. But Cacturne's got a chance, now that Harley's been turned into a Cacturne by a drunken Mew... A fat Cacturne.
1. Chapter 1

(Here it is. This was the result of an incredibly random conversation with Michelle. I ended up saying how Harley and Cacturne looked so ship-ready next to each other, and, well... Okay, I don't own pokemon. Come on, they'd never write this.)

* * *

-_Cacturne's POV-_

I sighed. "_So what if I can never hold him?" _I told myself. "_He's near me, and that's enough." _The person in question was Harley Davidson. The unobtainable prize. Why so unobtainable? I'm his pokemon. My name is Cacturne.

I know he loves me, it's all he ever says sometimes. "_Love you, buddy." _But it's not the same, is it? I turn over in my sleep, and am greeted by Banette. "_What the fuck!? Bane!" _He leers. "_I can read your thoughts, Cacturne. He troubles you?" _It was hard to keep things a secret around here; they all knew I loved him _that way, _but never said a thing.

I sigh. "_What the hell do you think?" _Banette shrugs. "_I can't help you. I just hope, for your sake and his, it works out somehow. Myself, I gotta go scare a few kids. Ciao!" _I sigh. So much like him.

I turn to Harley. He's not an organized sleeper; a shock of purple hair is all I can see at this point. I brush my hand across it. "_I love you, Harley." _I whisper. "_I love you, and I'm sorry." _I curl up next to him, and fall asleep.

_

* * *

Meanwhile, drunken legends were, well..._

"_Vita! Damn it, no, I will not give you another crate_!" Mewtwo shrieks. "_Ishssa partee! Weesh gotta parrrtteee, stoopid_..." Vita slurred, waving a bottle of beer around like it was a weapon.

In her alcohol induced state, Vita knocked over a bottle labled, "_Pixie Dust_". They both stared. Then Vita said, "_I am in so much fucking trouble." _

(You expected me to do a benevolent Legend thing? Nah, just a drunken glitched Mew.)

_

* * *

-Harley's POV-_

Damn, I need to get up. Hair needs to be done, makeup, and I have no time!

I sit up quickly. Funny. I think I've gained weight. Oh Christ, I've gained weight! "_DAMNIT!" _I shriek. Wait. I just sounded like Cac...

"_Master? What the hell happened to you_?" His voice... it's human. I think. I can understand it... how? I finally look down. "_HOLY CHRIST IN HELL, WHO THE FUCK DID THIS?! I'M __**FAT**_!" I wail.

My name is Harley Davidson. I am a Cacturne, formerly human.

And I am _fat._

_

* * *

-Cacturne's POV-_

Well, this isn't going how I expected. For starters, I think he's a Cacturne now. Oh, Christ, what did I do? And he's raving about how fat he is.

I do kinda agree, but he wasn't fat as a human... so, it doesn't matter, because this is all a dream. And then he slaps me. Not a dream, then.

"_WERE YOU NOT LISTENING!?! I AM FAT, CACTURNE!!! FAAAAT!" _I sigh. This must just bring his whole goddamn world tumbling down. I laugh, because, well... it's kinda funny. "_Harley, relax. You're not fat." _This calms him down, albeit only for the moment.

"_Where are the others_?" I point to the pokeballs, and he turns to open them. He sweatdrops. "_Uh, I don't have hands."_ I snicker. "Kick the pokeballs, then?" He agrees, and kicks the button with his toe. Ariados is the first. "_Cacturne?" _He asks. I roll my eyes. "_You're looking at Harley_." The spider blinks.

"_How... what..."_ I shrug. "_No clue. Can you open the other pokeballs_?" He nods, and presses a slender leg onto the buttons, releasing Banette, Octillery, and Wigglytuff. Wigglytuff sees Harley, and remarks, "_Wow, Cacturne, you've gotten pretty fat."_

As Harley fumes, I turn to the others. "_Well, I don't know quite how this happened, but Harley is a Cacturne now. And, well, we're going to have to live with it._" I turn to him. "_We'll try to find a way to get you back, okay_?" He nods, and smiles.

"_Thanks, buddy. I knew you'd try. It's why I love you._" I'd have turned bright red, if that was possible_. He said it._ And he's a pokemon now, so... it's okay? Right? I don't have time to answer this question, though.

A trainer is bumbling through the woods. "Hide! Don't worry, he can't hurt you!" Harley hisses, shoving us into the trees. He's about to follow, when the boy stops.

"Wow, a Cacturne! Cool! I have to catch it! Growlithe, go!" Harley has no clue as to fighting, and the Growlithe uses Will-o'-the-wisp. I watch in terror, as the trainer throws a pokeball. I'm forced to watch, able to do nothing, as my beloved gets captured, and taken away.

Life just wants to fuck me over.

We watch as the boy disappears. Ariados shoots off after him, and we follow as quietly as we can. I can't think. Harley's gone. My trainer, my partner, my buddy, my would-be lover. Would be,

(_Human, if you didn't wish)_

should be,

(_My lover, it isn't fair)_

could be,

_(hurt or dead, Harley my love, we're coming)_

Is.

Is _gone._

Ariados loses him eventually, but the boy seemed to be boarding a ship to Lavaridge.

"_How do we get on? We're pokemon, in case you haven't noticed_." Wigglytuff snarks. I roll my eyes. "_Obviously, we... uh, well...stow away_?" He shrugs. "_I don't have a better idea. Shall we_?" We set off. Obviously, I'm the hardest to get on the ship; I'm pretty much human-sized. But a distraction in the form of Wigglytuff got us on, and we were now on the next ship to Lavaridge.

_

* * *

-Harley's POV-_

Okay, this sucks. Remind me to never keep my pokemon in pokeballs unless it's a matter of life and death or something. Because this is really fucking uncomfortable.

Okay. Assess the situation. I am now, for some weirdass fuckin' reason, a Cacturne. I got captured. I have no idea who this boy is, or what his motives are.

Sweet baby Jesus, I am going to die.

A virgin. Goddamn it all to _hell. _

He still hasn't let me out. Please, please let the others be okay. I couldn't bear it if one of them died. Wigglytuff will keep them alive; he's a goddamn sociopath, right?! I hope so. Cacturne looked so sad this morning. I wonder why?

The look was... It was like a bittersweet sadness. He was looking at me like... like he was close to something, but it had been snatched away from him at the last second. Strange. He always meant the most to me.

I loved him like... like... well, he was my best friend, my partner, my buddy. But I did see him look at me sometimes. Like I was _more _to him. I don't know. I can't really fall in love with a pokemon. I'm only one temporarily.

Still... Cacturne, please be okay. I have to know how you really feel about me. I'm being forced out of the pokeball. "Cacturne! Use Razor Leaf!" I blink. _The fuck is going on? _I look up. I'm facing down a Blastoise.

This boy is trying to kill me.

"Hydro Pump!" I have to react. But how do I do this!? Seriously?! My arms act of their own accord; they shoot out the hooked leaves I've seen Cacturne conjour out of thin air in so many Contests. The Hydro Pump hits me. "_Cold!" _Only the Blastoise can hear me, and I don't think he cares much, you know?

So he loads up for another Water Pulse. The boy is telling me to use Razor Leaf again. Fuck that, it didn't do any frickin' damage! Just before Blastoise strikes, I manage to unleash a Solarbeam. It strikes him dead on. Wow, I don't totally suck. Who knew? But the trainer recalls the Blastoise, and that boy looks pissed as he recalls me. Argh! I hate this damn pokeball!

Suddenly, I hear a voice in my head. "_Oh, now you've done it." _A voice sneers. "Huh? Done what?" It sighs. "Kid, Dominic is NOT going to be happy you disobeyed him. He's probably going to kick you around a bit tonight; dunno how, as you're only a few inches shorter than him." "Who the hell are you?" I blurt out.

"I'm 'Gyarados'. Bullshit. I have a real name, and it's Ducis." I nod. "Oh. My name's Harley." I explain what happened to him. The Gyarados seems interested. "If it's not too inconvienient, could you get us the hell outta here when you do get changed back? I hate this kid." I nod. "Will do! My pokemon should be coming soon." I sigh. "I hope..."

And there you are. First chapter. What did you think?)


	2. This is madness

(Okay, I don't own pokemon. Come on, they'd never write this.)

_-Cacturne's POV-_

Oh, godamn it all to _hell_. We're in Lavaridge, and there's no sign of this boy. And everyone's staring at us. And why not?

A Cacturne, a Wigglytuff, a Banette, an Ariados, and a friggin' Octillery. We're not exactly pokemon native to the goddamn area. I want to kill someone, seriously. "_Well_," Wigglytuff says calmly, stating the obvious. "_We're lost_." I snarl.

"_If I had hands, I would punch you __**so hard**__ right now_." He waves a paw in the air, as if brushing me off. "_Right, doll. Let's go, already."_ I sigh, and plod out of the town, dejected and worried. "_Are you okay, Cacturne_?" Octillery asks me quietly, seeming concerned.

I sigh. I tell him, "_I'm... I'm scared. For Harley_." Octillery is silent. And then, "_He's okay. He's just waiting for us to rescue him, I'm sure of it_." I nod.

Ariados alerts us, "_We're close to something_!" I rush ahead, wondering what's up.

It's a pokemon. But it's so... strange. It looks like a Ninetales, but not... quite. It keeps shifting, for some reason. I don't know why. In the blink of an eye, it's a hazy image of a Gyarados, and then... it looks up. Our eyes meet. '_He is safe. I am with him.' _Then the thing disappears, and I'm never really sure it was there at all.

Ariados' voice interrupts the silence. "_We've got to go through Meteor Falls. Are you all ready?" _We look at each other_. "Calvary ho?_" Wigglytuff suggests hesistantly. "_Calvary ho_." We agree. Oh, yes, a calvary. Five pokemon.

Oh, help me, god. We sneak around the trainers, and slip into the falls undetected. I'm still paranoid. Something's gonna go down. I know it. The waterfall is so big here... it scares me, just a bit. I never liked rough water. We reach the top of the falls, and cross the bridge. Octillery just jumps into the water and swims down, the lucky bastard.

I have to creep across, and listen to Wigglytuff's hysterical screaming about his fur. I want to kill him so incredibly badly, it's actually scaring me. I sigh in relief once we finally get across the damn bridge. "Now what?" I ask. Octillery's head pops up.

"_There's been a battle here; looks like a Cacturne versus a Blastoise_." I blink. "_And the odds of that happening are..."_ Octillery nods, finishing my thought, eyes narrowed. "I believe we've found him." We race out of the falls, only to be stopped by a Jenny. "_Goddamn_!" I swear. Oh, of all the awful fucking luck. She checks us over.

"Oh, are you lost? Come on, we'll take you back to the station, and try to find your trainer." "_NO! I have to find Harley_!" I shriek, but it's too late. She's got us all in these temporary capture balls, and we are being taken back to Lavaridge, farther and farther from Harley. I want to cry. I know he's out there. Harley, please. Just be okay.

_-Harley's POV-_

It's night now, I think. Enough time has passed for it to be. I've been in this blasted ball since we lost, and I'm scared. I want my pokemon back, and I want to go have fun at Contests. I want to go visit May and Drew; I hope they're not worried. Actually, they damn well better be; I want out of here!

He's released me. Oh, no. "Well, Cacturne." He sneers arrogantly. "I see you just don't understand how things are done around here. I suppose I should tell you." He stands, and almost faster than I can register, he's clipped me with a solid left hook. Ow!

That... that _hurt, _a lot. I'm getting more scared by the second. He stands over me, imposing and pretty pissed, from the snarl smeared across his features. "You," he growls, accenting each word with a kick, "always," Another kick, make it stop! "_Obey_,"

This one's to my head. Tears spring to my eyes. Help me. Cacturne, I _need _you. Guys...

"Me_. Always_." He spits, kicking me one last time before he seems to be satisfied, and recalls me. The bruises hurt more now. I begin to cry quietly. I'd never do this to my pokemon! Why does he?! I love them, and _no one_ deserves to get hit. This is... this is _madness_. And I don't know what to do, except...

Wait for my pokemon. They'll rescue me. But it's time to think. About Cacturne. Well, I... I think he's in love with me. That look he gave me... I don't know anymore. My entire world has been fucked up and over by this point, and now I have to contend with the fact that my best friend, who just_ HAPPENS_ to be a pokemon, is quite possibly in love with me.

All this thinking is too much to ask from me, goddamnit. I was just your average bisexual Coordinator, who was pretty much the Dr. Frank N. Furter of Hoenn, and then _this _happened.

But did I really, like, well... _love_ Cacturne? He was a _pokemon_. I mean, I'm a pokemon now, but...

He was always there. He's been by me since I was ten, and he's stuck by me for about five years now. We've trained side by side for fuck knows how long, and he's been my best friend.

Well, my best friend's _hot._ Yes, I did just say that. _What_!? I can't do this. Fuck it, I'm going to sleep. I try to fall asleep, but all I can do is think of Cacturne. Argh! Where the fuck is Nyquil when you actually _need it!? _

I'm not thinking about Cacturne. This is just insomnia. ...Right. God, I really am sick. But it... it's not wrong, because he loves me. Right?

-_Cacturne's POV-_

Godamnit. We're stuck in Jenny's office, while she tries to find our trainer. "_Well, you see, ma'am,_" Banette mocks in a high pitched whine. "_Our trainer's been turned into a Cacturne, and was caught, and now __**we're**__ the ones trying to find __**him**_." I roll my eyes.

"_You know, we could just kill her_." Wigglytuff offers hopefully. Octillery swivels his head to eyeball the pink sociopath.

"_Yes. Because that'll work_." Wigglytuff nods. "_I know! It's so simple, yet elegant_." Octillery stares at him for a second. Then he slaps him with a tentacle. "_Please just stop talking_." He groans.

I shake my head at their inerrant stupidity. "_Let me handle this_." I sneak up behind the Jenny, and use Sleep Powder. In an instant, she's asleep. "_So... we can't kill her_?" Wigglytuff says sadly. I glare at him. "_Right. Let's go_."

We rush out of there, and we're finally back on track. "So... where now?" Ariados asks. We all look at each other, and realize he could be far away by now. I scream. "_ARGH! I WON'T LOSE HIM, I WON'T, GODDAMNIT_!" Banette soars off to scan the area. I put my head in my hands. "He better be here." I whisper.


	3. Jesus, don't you people need to BREATHE?

(Don't own. People, come on. This chapter's incredibly long. I gave the pokemon nicknames, but don't see me using them at the end; just so I don't confuse people. Wow... this is the first multi-chaptered thing I've written to be finished, unless I write more. I might just do a sequel, if you all ask politely. I feel all happy. I will get back to my regular stories now, but this was too cute not to write. Anyone who sees the random James Bond joke gets a cookie.)

* * *

-_Harley's POV-_

I wake in the morning, sore as fuck. I am going to kill that boy _dead_ as soon as I get back to being human. Ducis calls out to me. "_Harley! I see a Banette! Yours?" _I blink. It couldn't be. But how many other Banette do you see around Meteor Falls? "_BANETTE_!" I roar.

"_I'M HERE_!" I scream until my voice is hoarse. He looks down, and sees me. He stares for a minute, and then shoots off. Dominic notices I'm out of the pokeball. He raises his fist, and I find myself cringing. He smirks.

"See? You get it. Now, let's go." We're starting to pack up camp when we're interrupted. "_HARLEY_!" I turn around. Cacturne, Banette, Wigglytuff, Ariados, and Octillery are standing there, poised to fight. "Cacturne?" I whisper.

_

* * *

-Cacturne's POV_- 

Banette races back to us. "_Found him! He's just over the falls_!" We all immediately race off, dashing over the rocky outcrop. "_We're coming, Harley_!" I shriek. We clamber over the edge of the rocks, and hoist ourselves over. I hear clacking and other sounds iminent to the departure of a trainer from their camp.

"_We've gotta move!_" I screech, and burst through the small trees, to the camp. Harley is sitting there, and I see bruises on his body. My vision flashes red with rage, and I scream, "_HARLEY_!" His head shoots up.

"_Cacturne_?" He whispers softly, voice brimming over with hope. I nod. "What the _hell..."_ The boy who caught him seems taken aback, mostly from the fact that five pokemon have shown up outta fuck-knows-where. Wigglytuff steps forward.

"_He's our bitch, and we're taking him back." _Harley sighs in a combination of exsperation and laughter, but the boy doesn't understand us.

However, I think he gets the feeling of what Wigglytuff is saying, because he mocks, "Aww, you lost your friend? Want him back?" He sneers, tossing a pokeball. "Five on five. I win, I get all of you. I lose, and you can have him." I turn to the others, and they nod eagerly.

"Let's go." I step forward. He tosses a pokeball. "Gyarados!" The beast is rising above me, and he stretches to the sky, shimmering sapphire scales glimmering in the harsh sun. He roars in exultation, shaking the foundations of the ground to their core. The boy sees my amazed expression.

"Think you can beat my Gyarados!? Attack!" Gyarados leans down to me. "_You must be Cacturne. Harley was right; you did come for him._" I nod, too stunned to speak. "_Then go ahead. You wish to save him, don't you_?" I nod.

I use Needle Arm, and he buckles easily, like a paper doll. Winking at me, he pretends to faint. The boy swears, and recalls him, muttering under his breath. "Golem!" The rock-creature stomps the ground, creating a multitude of small fissures.

Word seems to get around here; each pokemon knows of our problem, and goes down after one hit. I actually have to physically restrain Wigglytuff from attempting to kill someone.

"_It's too __easy_!" He giggles madly. I look at Ariados. He grins, and uses String Shot, freezing Wigglytuff to the spot. I sigh. "_God bless_." Ariados snickers. "_No problem_."

The boy seems to have grasped the fact that his pokemon are losing on purpose, so he nods to Harley. "Go, Cacturne." I gasp. "_No_." Harley looks at me with a pained expression. He says softly, _"Please, just don't make it hurt._" I meet his gaze.

Clearly, and without any care of what happens next, I say, "_I love you_." His eyes meet mine. Nothing needs to be said. "Cacturne, Razor Leaf!" He turns, and fires it at the boy, barely missing. "_Cacturne_!" Harley orders me. "_Needle Arm_!"

I have no choice to obey, and I do the unthinkable; I strike my master. He grins at me, and faints. For real. All is silent. Then Wigglytuff remarks, "_Seriously, he has no fucking __**clue**__ how to fight_." I don't care.

I pick him up, and set him back up. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything quite yet. He nods to the pokemon. "_Get 'em_." All five face him; Gyarados, Golem, Jolteon, Sandslash, and Vibrava. The boy falters. "I... uh, obey! I'm your master!" He shrieks hysterically. Sandslash shakes his head.

"_No longer my master_." They give chase, and he runs off, shrieking. Wigglytuff yells, "_Oooh! Oh! Can I go!_?" I roll my eyes. _**"No." **_Everyone, Harley included, says this.

"_Goddamnit._" Wigglytuff pouts. "_You all__** suck**_." We turn to leave, when we're interrupted by what sounds like a heated argument. "_Well, go on_!" I hear. "_But, but..." _A plaintive female voice whines. "_Go, you frickin' alcoholic_." A deeper voice growls.

"_**Refined**__ alcoholic, you sonofabitch_!" The decidedly more feminine voice shrieks in indigniation. I blink. "_Uh_..." Then I stop.

Greatest Mew, Great Mother Creator... is standing in front of me with a bottle of whisky in her hand. She takes a swig, and burps rather crudely. "_Damn. I could make it sound like 'fuck' las' time_." She mutters. All is silent.

"_Well,"_ Octillery mutters, "_This is... disenchanting."_ The Mew takes another swig of whisky, and speaks. "_Right. M' name's Vita. I am the one responsible for turning you into a Cacturne_." She's addressing Harley. "_But... how_?" He asks.

She looks away sheepishly. "_Well, uh... you see... I was kinda drunk... and I knocked over a bottle of Pixie Dust. And it granted your Cacturne's subconscious wish. So, you wanna go back to being human, or what?_" I turn to him. Now or never, Cacturne.

"_Harley, before you do anything, I... I just want to say I love you. I just want you to be happy, but I need to tell you this. I want you to be __**mine**_." I say softly. I look away. He's going to hate me so much.

The others are amazed. "_He finally said it._" Ariados mutters. Wigglytuff agrees. "_It's about goddamn __**time**_!" Harley blinks at me. "_I... uh, well..."_ He looks away. I knew it. Now he hates me.

"_I think I... I love you too, buddy_." The words I certainly was not expecting to hear. As I stand in complete shock, he continues.

"_I thought about it, and, well... no one else understands me, no one but__** you**__. And I guess it took being cramped up in a pokeball, and losing you for the first time __**ever**__, to realize that_." I am silent. He just declared his love for me. Oh, my god. And what does Wigglytuff do?

"_Fuckin' __**finally**__! Goddamn, __**NOW **__do you realize those things are goddamn uncomfortable?! Christ!"_ I swivel my head to give him my best death-glare. Harley cracks up, snorting rather unfemininely. Wigglytuff pouts. "_It's __**true**_"

Vita interrupts this, too. For Christ's _sake_...

"_OI! D'YA WANNA BE HUMAN, OR NOT_!?" She roars. Such a loud voice for such a small kitten creature... she can apparently read thoughts, as well, for she gives me the finger.

"_Yes_!" Harley says hurriedly. Vita looks at me. Then him. She grins. "_Young love.._." She waves a paw, and I feel... different. That's apparently because my body is getting a complete overhaul. I'm shifting, changing, expanding and shrinking in all different places. I feel like a goddamn jigsaw puzzle, then—

"Holy crap, I have hands." I gape. "Oh my god, the sky is _blue_!" Ariados sighs. "_I believe it was blue before all this, wasn't it_?" He hisses in exsperation. I jump. "How the hell can I understand you!?" I shriek.

"_Because you were a pokemon, once_." It's the Mew that says this, and she sighs. "_You'll both be able to do it now_." I turn to look at Harley. Same as always, he is. He runs a critical eye over my body. "Wow. Never thought you'd turn out so... _hot_." I burn bright red.

I am, thankfully, wearing clothes, or else I really don't want to think about what would've transpired. Just a dark green shirt and black jeans. Vita conjures a mirror up, and hands it to me. I stare at my reflection.

My skin is ghostly pale, and my hair is a light green in the front, reaching just below my earlobes. I have _ears. _Wow, that's new.A bit of dark green is shot through the entire thing. "Cacturne... man, that feels weird. You've got a pokemon name."

"_Well, if you'd nicknamed us, this wouldn't be a problem_." Banette mutters. Harley looks distraught. "I-I'm so sorry..." He looks like he's about to burst into tears, so I grip his shoulder gently.

"It's okay, no one's mad. Just... do it now, I guess." He looks at me. "Promise you're not mad first." I blink. "No, of course not. What's _wrong, _Harley?" He looks at me like he's announcing the imminent death of a king.

"I... I should've treated you _b-better..." _He bursts into tears, and clutches my shoulder. "So... just because you didn't give us names, you were a horrible trainer?" I'm joking with him right now, hopefully so he'll stop crying. He looks up at me.

"Y-yeah... it does sound stupid..." And he begins to cry again. "I'm so sorry for being stupid!!" He wails hysterically. All is silent. Vita is trying incredibly hard not laugh. This meaning she's cracking up hysterically.

"_You're not stupid, Harley. You're such a drama queen_." Banette huffs, sounding like he's trying not to laugh either. "It's why we love you." He looks at me, grateful. "Okay, so. Names."

"_Amy Winehouse_!!" Wigglytuff shrieks. "_God, I love her_!" Harley just stares at him. He sighs. "_Fine. Sonsabitches..."_ He mutters. "Um, Amy Winehouse _notwithstanding_, I think you'd be better off named... um, Reznor." He perks up.

"_Like the razor of eye-killing doomieness_?" He sweatdrops. "Right. Like the razor of eye-killing doomieness." He turns to Banette. "Well, since you started this," Banette interrupts, "_And another one of your hysterical fits_." Harley glares at him.

"Do you want to be named Marshall?" Banette zippers his mouth shut. "Figured. So, your name is Rogue." He shrugs in acceptance. "_X-men_?" Harley blinks. "What?"

"_Nevermind. What about Ariados_?" Banette says hurriedly. Harley shrugs. "Squishie?" Ariados sinks his teeth into Harley's leg. "OW! Christ, that HURTS!!" He squealed like a girl. I snorted derisively. "Fuck it, your name's Arachne." Ariados looks up.

"_Arachne was a girl._" "I don't care." Ariados—Arachne, rolls his eyes. Harley grins. "Octillery?" He shrugs, rather oddly, since he's got tentacles. "Octopussy?" I suggest. That did it. We all cracked up, inculding Octillery, until he figured out we were laughing at_ him_.

Then he fired an Octazooka at me. "GODDAMNIT!" I shrieked. "Okay, okay! Poseidon!" He relaxes, obviously pleased with being named after the king of the sea.

Harley turns to me. "And you?" He says softly. 'Um..." I really don't know. I always knew myself as Cacturne. "I think..." I wait for it to come to me. And it does; "_Cacturne_." Harley seems suprised. "Why?" I look at him, and smile.

"You loved me when I was Cacturne." He blinks back tears, and hugs me tightly. "I love you." He says softly. I hug him back, and whisper, "I love you too," in his ear. He shivers happily. "_Aw. So, now that this is fucking settled, can we please get out of here_?!" Posiedon shrieks. As we leave, Vita waves. To me, she says, "_I was the one always with him_." I get it. Thank you, you drunken Mew. Thank you for everything.

We're off, and fortunately enough, there's a Contest in Lavaridge. We set up camp around the outskirts of the forest. Once night falls, and the others are asleep, Harley turns to me. He runs a delicate, almost spidery hand across my cheek. "I can't get over this... this is all real, all of it. We're really in love." He says softly. "I know." I say, even softer. Silence descends upon us like a blanket.

If I say anything else, I might cry. "Cacturne... I..." He looks away. I really don't know how what transpired next actually _happened;_ I'd only seen it done in movies. But it did. I turned his face towards me, cupped his cheeks in my hands, and brought him close.

'_Holy shit, I'm kissing him...' _That's the last thought I have before he's kissing me back, and I just stop thinking and melt right into it. We're gasping for air soon enough, and he grins at me. "You think you can ensure I don't die a virgin?" I nudge him with my shoulder in a terrible attempt to convince him I won't.

It didn't work.

The next morning, we get ready for the Contest. Wigglytuff is giggling madly about the pokemon he shall crush under his furry paws, when I see two familar faces; May and Drew. They're walking toward us, holding hands loosely. Aw. So they're a couple now. Good, I'm happy for them.

"Harley? Who's this?" May sees me, and questions. Harley grins. "I believe you've met him before." She shakes her head. "Nope!" I hold out a hand. "Hi, May. It's Cacturne." She blinks. "You're kidding." I shake my head. "Harley's only got four pokeballs now, right?" She checks, but still is amazed.

"Prove it." Drew says. "Okay, fine. May, we met on the boat to Izabe Island, Harley was being a drama queen prissy bitch, and you pwned his ass in the contest, I believe. Then Wigglytuff beat you in the other contest, and, uh..." I can't think of much else, but the look on her and Drew's faces is priceless and telling.

"I... uh... HOW IN THE NAME OF CHRIST DID THIS HAPPEN!" Her Squirtle jumps about fifteen feet in the air. "YOU USED TO BE A _POKEMON_!!" She's got everyone staring at us now. Drew blinks. "Jesus fucking christ, May." I crack up, laughing so hard I'm leaning against Harley, giggling like a lunatic. He stares at all of this, and bites his lip, trying really hard not to laugh.

As usual. The Contest is the same as always; except this time, I'm not in it. Wigglytuff, true to his word, has pwned everyone. He beat the living crap out of May's Squirtle, and I honestly think if Harley had not stopped him, he might have killed the neurotic little turtle.

Once we're out of the Contest Hall, Harley turns to me. "Where do you wanna go?" He asks me. I smile. "Anywhere in the world, as long as I'm with you."

As we lean in and start to kiss, I can hear Wigglytuff complaining.

"_Ew, you guys, that's gross... QUIT IT! WE HAVE TO GO! Come on, you guys... it's been like, twenty minutes... Jesus, don't you need to breathe, or something_?!"


End file.
